Author: oceansidecounsellingservices

When we lose someone we love, the pathway to healing is unique to the individual. Timelines, impact on daily functioning, and stages of grief can be unpredictable. These are some recommendations that have been shared by those who have experienced loss or are involved in the grief support process: (A. Greene, 2018).

1. Accept some loneliness. When you begin to feel isolated, reach out to counselling supports and groups who are comfortable with grief and can help you move through the process.
2. Choose good company. Connect with family, friends, and community primarily with those who can let you be “alone but not alone.”
3. Be gentle with yourself. It will get easier over time but radical self-care and self-compassion are key.
4. Get extra rest. Physical and emotional exhaustion are real.
5. Set a regular sleep schedule.
6. Get moving, walking, exercising preferably outdoors each day.
7. Try and maintain a structured scheduled within your day with short term goals. A walk, a tea break with a friend, a time for a phone call, whatever feels right.
8. Embrace all our emotions. They may come in waves or very abruptly in unexpected ways. Allow the emotions to come and seek help when you feel overwhelmed and feel that other supports are needed.

“Every single one of us will have our life interrupted, whether it’s by the rip cord of a diagnosis or some other kind of heartbreak or trauma that brings us to the floor. We need to find ways to live in the in-between place, managing whatever body and mind we currently have. Sometimes, all it takes is the ingenuity of a handmade game of Scrabble or finding that stripped-down kind of meaning in the love of family and a night on the ballroom dance floor, or that radical, dangerous hope that I’m guessing will someday lead a teenage girl terrified of bugs to go camping. If you’re able to do that, then you’ve taken the real hero’s journey.You’ve achieved what it means to actually be well, which is to say: alive, in the messiest, richest, most whole sense.” (Suleika Jaouad)

If you are currently dealing with illness or supporting a loved one who is, you are well aware of the uneasy walk between hope and navigating fear of the unknown. Scott et al.(2017), in their research “Healing journey: a qualitative analysis of Americans suffering from trauma and illness,” explored pathways to healing by conducting in-depth interviews with 23 patients who experienced healing. They concluded that moving from being wounded, moving from suffering to healing, is very much facilitated by developing safe, trusting relationships and by positive reframing of moving through weight of responsibility to ability to respond. The power of relationship and connection, being open to support and relationship, cannot be emphasized enough. If you are navigating this journey, I encourage you to reach out to counselling supports to guide you in this process as well as your family and community. A recommended book that is an exploration of one young woman’s journey is “Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted,” by Suleika Jaouad.

Through concerted media campaigns, publicly shared personal stories including those of celebrity athletes, and the formation of such organizations as “First Responder Health,” the conversation has become more open in our society around men addressing mental health disorders. Our culture has historically labelled help seeking behaviour as a weakness, in particular for men. In the study “What gets in the way? Men’s perspective of barriers to mental health services” (Seidler, Rice, Kealy 2019), the most frequently endorsed barriers were: believing that a lot of people feel sad and down, not knowing what to look for in a therapist, and needing to solve one’s own problems. The conclusion of the study suggested that service delivery must adapt to better respond to masculine ideals while also improving men’s ease of access both financially and transparency of process. As we all strive to be more culturally responsive, let’s consider what steps we might take to remove barriers for all of our clients regardless of gender through education, training, and being curious about specific needs.

Making the decision to take care of your mental health is often a courageous action. Stepping into the office of a counsellor to share your story can sometimes be very daunting, even scary. It is essential that there is a match with your counsellor, that you feel safe and supported throughout the process, and have access to strategies and guidance towards meaningful change. The article below recommends allowing 6 sessions in order for a client to determine if the counsellor is a match to your needs. For practicality of time as well as benefit plans, I recommend a minimum of 2 sessions. This allows for enough time to see if therapeutic rapport is possible and for you to understand if the counsellor’s therapeutic framework suits you. By the end of session two, ideally you and the counsellor can formulate a treatment goal together which guides the work. It is important for you to let the counsellor know if this is not the right fit and they will happily refer you on to another counsellor. The goal is for you to find the right person to support your journey towards positive mental health.

As we navigate the demands of day to day life, stillness and the physical and mental benefits of rest seem to have a low rank on the list of priorities. However, if we fail to honour the need for rest, the quality of our performance, relationships, and wellness will reflect this neglect back to us in a myriad of ways. Where can you find space in your days and weeks to find rest? Sleep (8 hours or a nap?) physical (slow down) , mental (meditation, counselling), sensory (turn off the phone), creative (allow space for inward expression), emotional (time to self-reflect), and spiritual (prayer, silence, meditation, nature walk). I encourage you to welcome the value of rest.